Much water has flowed under the bridge and many years have rolled by since my first pivotal Darshan of Bhagavan Yogi Ramsuratkumar on 27/12/1986. What a momentous event that was! The Divine Alchemist burnt out all my ambitions, ideas and definitions of life and filled, instead, every pore of my being with the essence of His presence and personality. Absolutely shaken to the core, the whole body trembling in wonder and awe, I fell at His Feet on that day, and am yet to get up!
After the alchemy He effected in me, the days following His Darshan left little room for anything else. Nothing short of His Darshan could satiate my inner fire of longing. The following seven years of my running to Tiruvannamalai for His divine presence held several tough tests (most of which I failed anyway!), tribulations and of course, the inevitable transformation of both inner and outer life. Slowly the ‘halahala’ (poison) of the ego was being transmuted into ambrosia of devotion to Him.
Eventually when I wound up everything in the college and boarded the bus to Tiruvannamalai, with two other Sudama Sisters, on July 15th 1993, there was a longing in my heart for some distinct gesture of welcome from Bhagavan. After all, it was a momentous decision and one against the advice of many close to me. Just when the bus was
entering Tiruvannamalai, suddenly I saw a board flooded with the light from the bus saying “WELCOME TO TIRUVANNAMALAI.” How amazing! Again, when we got down from the bus at 11 o’clock in the night outside Ramanashram and stood there, suddenly I heard mangala vadhyam of nadaswara music and tavil playing. A group of people singing Devaram with nadaswaram and a gas light came out of the same Dakshinamurthy temple which had been renovated by then. A professor devotee known to me in the group, saw me from there, came straight towards me and greeted “Amma, Come, Come, Welcome! Our group is going for Giri Pradhakshina. The Tamil month Aadi has just started. Also Dakshinayana. That is why nadaswaram! We just came out of Dakshinamurthy Temple and are starting our circumambulation of the mountain.” His warm welcome even at that late hour and his announcement of the auspicious start of Aadi month, simply overwhelmed me! What a precious blessing, indeed! My heart leapt with ecstatic joy in celebration of this special gift of grace designed by Bhagavan in honour of my “home-coming” to Him! The next day when I rushed to Bhagavan’s Sannidhi Street house, to my great delight, He asked me with a knowing smile what happened the previous night when I landed in Tiruvannamalai! When I looked at Him in wide-eyed wonder, His smile burst into an uproarious laughter. In the seven years that followed my first visit, only from 1990, Bhagavan began to give regular Darshan from 10 am to 12 noon and from 4 pm to 6 pm. So, I could afford to frequent Tiruvannamalai (now very sure of His Darshan, unlike before) not only on every possible holiday but also every other day. Slowly, from September 1991, it became possible to sit even long hours with Bhagwan that I began to commit everything I observed closely to memory. In the night, I would recall every bit of it meticulously and put them on paper. That’s how this diary was born. Care has been taken to maintain His original words throughout, for the simple reason that the words straight from His mouth carry a power of their own. Bhagavan talked little but worked much, sometimes unknown to the visitors themselves. He was a man of few words. But whatever He said or did was so eloquent and powerful. He could at once deliver an intimate look of privacy to people of His choice with a distant look of The Beyond! Any attempt to write on this phenomenal Being would amount to scaling peaks like Kailash. Yet whosoever dares ahead would always find help and grace overflowing and the very attempt would prove to be an enormous gift of blessings. For the lovers and seekers of God this book would truly be a treasured blessing.
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